Today is the first day of spring, and when I woke up this morning, I couldn’t have been more thankful. Why? Because I really need a fresh start. I need a second chance. I need a new season to inspire a new me. That’s why I’m making a spring resolution.
However, my spring resolution isn’t to eat more cupcakes or smell more flowers or wear only purple and green eye shadow. No, it’s something a little bigger than that.
When asked the question, “What would you change about yourself if you could,” many people might list things such as their hair or their butt or their nose. If someone asked me that question, I would say my inability to trust.
You see, I have a real problem with trust. Simply put, I can’t do it.
Although I never wanted to become one of those bitter people who got lied to once before and let it influence their whole life, making them suspicious of everyone and everything around them, I have become one of them. And now, I’m on a mission not to be.
I realized something last night. I actually expect the people that I love to lie to me. In fact, I assume they are currently lying to me. And when I find out that they haven’t been lying to me, I am honestly always a little surprised.
I don’t believe the people I love are bad people. If I did, I wouldn’t have chosen to love them. Then why do I assume they are dishonest and deceitful? I’ve thought about this a lot and come to the conclusion that what I’m essentially doing is assuming that every person in the world is exactly the same. I knew one person who was deceitful and dishonest. So, logically, everyone is deceitful and dishonest.
Now, I’m smart enough to know that this logic isn’t logical at all. But what I’m struggling with is how to reverse this thinking.
If one dishonest person can make me assume everyone is dishonest. Then, wouldn’t one honest person be able to make me assume everyone is honest? Can it work that way? Or is dishonesty somehow stronger or more all-consuming than honesty, making it impossible for honesty to undo the work that dishonesty has done?
I’m not just asking these questions for the sake of starting a good conversation. I really want to know. What are your thoughts on honesty and dishonesty and trust? And is it possible for a person who has been the victim of deceit to lower their defenses and make trust their default mechanism, instead of distrust? If so, how?
This spring, I resolve to find the answers to these questions, I resolve to make trust a cornerstone of my life and, ultimately, I resolve to learn to always assume the best about the people I love.