March 20, 2008

Spring resolution

Today is the first day of spring, and when I woke up this morning, I couldn’t have been more thankful. Why? Because I really need a fresh start. I need a second chance. I need a new season to inspire a new me. That’s why I’m making a spring resolution.

However, my spring resolution isn’t to eat more cupcakes or smell more flowers or wear only purple and green eye shadow. No, it’s something a little bigger than that.

When asked the question, “What would you change about yourself if you could,” many people might list things such as their hair or their butt or their nose. If someone asked me that question, I would say my inability to trust.

You see, I have a real problem with trust. Simply put, I can’t do it.

Although I never wanted to become one of those bitter people who got lied to once before and let it influence their whole life, making them suspicious of everyone and everything around them, I have become one of them. And now, I’m on a mission not to be.

I realized something last night. I actually expect the people that I love to lie to me. In fact, I assume they are currently lying to me. And when I find out that they haven’t been lying to me, I am honestly always a little surprised.

I don’t believe the people I love are bad people. If I did, I wouldn’t have chosen to love them. Then why do I assume they are dishonest and deceitful? I’ve thought about this a lot and come to the conclusion that what I’m essentially doing is assuming that every person in the world is exactly the same. I knew one person who was deceitful and dishonest. So, logically, everyone is deceitful and dishonest.

Now, I’m smart enough to know that this logic isn’t logical at all. But what I’m struggling with is how to reverse this thinking.

If one dishonest person can make me assume everyone is dishonest. Then, wouldn’t one honest person be able to make me assume everyone is honest? Can it work that way? Or is dishonesty somehow stronger or more all-consuming than honesty, making it impossible for honesty to undo the work that dishonesty has done?

I’m not just asking these questions for the sake of starting a good conversation. I really want to know. What are your thoughts on honesty and dishonesty and trust? And is it possible for a person who has been the victim of deceit to lower their defenses and make trust their default mechanism, instead of distrust? If so, how?

This spring, I resolve to find the answers to these questions, I resolve to make trust a cornerstone of my life and, ultimately, I resolve to learn to always assume the best about the people I love.

1 comment:

Mr. Kale Iverson said...

I couldn't choose which post to comment on, I also have a complex about commenting on your personal blog. I will say that your blog has quickly become my favorite for the simple reason that you write about your life, which is all I want to read about, other peoples real life thoughts, and for that you should get a medal or a shiny star or something cool.

Secondly,I was so pumped to see that you may have discovered the practice of going out into the sun/nature to soak up those good vibes, its and endless source of positive energy you can have whenever you want pretty much!

Next, Trust is weird, and hard. The only thing I trust about people is that they are gonna do what they think their supposed to do or what they have to do. You can trust people to do that. People make decisions, you can trust that they do that. Whether they make good ones or bad ones just depends on where they are at in their life. I do not know a lot about trust. I do know that "Thoughts Become Things" so if you expect people to deceive you and lie to you then you are sending that frequency of energy out into the universe and the universe basically says "your wish is my command." If you want to trust people not to lie to you then all you have to do is imagine how good it will feel knowing that they are telling the truth and the universe will give it to you if you believe.

Also, if you believe that every encounter, every person you meet carries a message for you, or you carry one for them, then maybe there is a lesson in everything, including lies. Maybe the message isn't that you were deceived, maybe its that they deceived you and by being lied to you are really the one giving the essential message that person that has them saying to themself: "people don't trust me."

I'm sorry if all this is overly dense and hopefully you don't mind me always commenting on your kick ass blog but I just feel the need to let you know that people are reading it and people are digging what you're laying down sister! Keep it up!